It's been frustrating at times, wonderful at times, and miraculous most of the time. You start off the year with a group of people who know nothing of each other. Sometimes an ex-gang member will be looking across the table at a lawyer or doctor. A Buddhist looking across the table to a Jehovah Witness.
It's the diversity that always makes things interesting, because at the end of this time, at Holy Saturday, these people are family and church to each other. They truly care about each other, and love each other.
The binding factor? Not me. It's Jesus. The Love of Christ compels them in a way that is mysterious, miraculous and beautiful. If you are reading this (and why are you reading this?) you may be coming from a secular standpoint and have all kinds of conclusions. I'm not writing this to convert you. In fact, this is not even a public post, really. It's here because one day if my computer dies, or I'm away from it, (preferably on a beautiful island or trattoria somewhere) I can continue to post.
If you are reading this because I instructed you to read this, then hallelujah! This means that my prayers, for however long we've been praying, have been answered. I praise and thank God for you, and I'm so glad that he's heard my prayers, because really it was His idea for me to do this in the first place.
Confused? Sure, that's okay. So was I. Here we will start. With a bit of confusion. Sit with me as we go back back back in time...
It's September 12, 1997. One week before Mother Teresa of Calcutta dies. I'm minding my own business and living my own life. I am raising kids, busy as a production manager for a publishing company, and in no way whatsoever ... religious.
It all changed on September 12, 1997. I will not go into details here. If I've asked you to read this, then you can ask me what happened. Suffice it to say, I never looked back. I only knew one thing about God. He loved me. He really loved me.
A few months before September 12, 1997 I had a mystical experience. Something that is rare, unpredictable and didn't make sense to me. I was driving home from work, in rush hour on Kingsway, heading towards 8th Ave to end up on the Pattullo Bridge. I saw Jesus.
Crazy? Yeah. Right at our Lady of Mercy Catholic Church, in the garden strip between the church and Kingsway, there was what I thought was a man dressed perfectly as Jesus, looking like Jesus, starting at me as I was at the stop light. The light was red. I stared at him and he smiled at me. I shook my head. This didn't make sense. There was no one around him. Were they making a movie? Was this some kind of stunt? His smile compelled me. It wasn't that I didn't believe in Jesus, I just didn't believe that Jesus would be looking at me and smiling at me like he knew some sort of secret. I did not know at that time at all that the Christ I saw looked exactly like the Christ in the Divine Mercy. I didn't even know what the Divine Mercy was. I barely knew who Christ was. But, when I saw the image of the Divine Mercy for the first time I was floored. There He was, again!
The light turned green after what seemed like an eternity and I carried on, really shaken by what I saw. (I haven't shared this with more than a handful of people)
That experience led me to the Experience. September 12, 1997.
The experience of September 12 1997 led me to Christ in the Catholic Church.
Christ led me to understand the nature and importance of forgiveness. FORGIVENESS.
Forgiveness was to become a theme in my life as I was called to forgive again and again and again and again and again and again.... I'm still forgiving.
In forgiving, I am truly free. This freedom allows me to carry on my life with no regrets, much less anger, and more open-ness to Christ's purpose in my life.
His purpose in my life since 1998 has been to pray for my family. At every Mass.
That's why you are reading this. I've been praying for you since 1998. At ALMOST every Mass. I have to be honest, some Masses I've attended since them have called me to pray for a recently deceased friend, or my Father, or some other urgent need. But for the most part, you have been in my prayers. You and your loved ones. The whole family.
Sometimes by name I have pleaded with Christ for you to know Him, Love Him and journey with Him. Again.
You might have had an amazing relationship with him in the past, but lost that love. I do not in any way presume to know what your relationship has been. I only know that Christ has compelled me to pray for you, specifically.
SERVICE AND SEEING CHRIST IN OTHERS
Christ compelled me to service that would transform my heart and to understand what you went through all these years. When I walked the street with Agape, I would see woman after woman who in her brokeness would share with me the horrors of her childhood. My heart broke as we prayed together. So many women, so many stories. My sisters were every woman I met. My prayers for them were also my prayers for you. Heal them O Lord, from their painful memories. Go into the deepest parts of their hearts and reside their O Christ and sit with them in their pain. You were there O Lord when these horrible things happened and changed their innocence into the most painful thing a child can experience.I know pain as a child. Physical pain. But this kind of pain spreads itself to all aspects, I've come to know it damages you spiritually, physically, emotionally. But God heals all of those parts. Sometimes as a miracle, right away, sometimes like a wave of water that washes over the sore parts, healing slowly, but still healing.
Christ led me from the streets into the closet, where I learned how to pray in a different way. The Bible, with its Psalms cried out in pain to God, for help, for refuge, for safety. I saw every face that was wounded in every prayer. I saw your face there too, and prayed for you in that quiet place.
The Lord let me to His own and I became a Eucharistic Minister, where I learned to love him even more. Holding him tenderly as I gave him to his Loved ones, I was so honored to be with him in this special way.
And then RCIA. It was a homecoming in a way, being with the people I loved so much who brought me into the church as a wonderful family. I also saw the people entering, who in their wonder and hope and worry sometimes would take those first few steps to knowing Christ and his Church.
After 10 years of being in RCIA, the Lord began to prompt me to something much deeper.
I had already been praying for you since my baptism in 1998 on Holy Saturday. Praying every week. Many times being frustrated, because although you and I never talked or even had anything to do with each other, I only hoped the Lord was working in your life. There was no "sign" that the healing I prayed for was happening at all.
The Lord wanted you to be healed. How? In the message that He gave me to your mother, so many years before I became a Catholic. TEN YEARS before 1998, in 1988, I heard the Lord, audibly, to tell your mother these words....
Forgive.... and you shall be healed.
Tell Her! is what the Lord was calling me to say. I argued with the Lord for hours. Not knowing what THIS VOICE WAS CONSTANTLY saying to me, over and over again.
Finally, crying, I told your mother. "This voice is telling me to tell you this. Forgive and you shall be healed" Now I can sleep, because this voice told me I would sleep once I told you that.
In 1998. Ten years later, I'm praying for the healing of our family. Our horribly broken family. And now, in 2014. I'm still praying. There's been a few gentle nudges here and there of some healing, but for the most part, no sign of life on the healing front.
The nudging from the Lord in the beginning of 2014 was becoming insistent. I loved being part of RCIA. I loved the guys who helped me. I didn't want to stop. But I've been here before with the Lord. His nudges will continue until I finally become more obedient and docile to the Holy Spirit. More on that, maybe later.
the five smooth stones
I was looking forward to going to the Westminster Abbey for a three day retreat. I was bringing with me one question. Should I really leave my missionary work as an RCIA facilitator? I was almost complete in my formation as a faciliator, and loved this so much. But nagging in the back of my head was the need to truly be hands and feet when it came to you. I pray, yes, pray every week. But how much love do I really have? The Lord desires you to come to his heart, and he desires me to pray for you. But was there something more.This is where the five smooth stones were formed. At Westminster Abbey.
Goliath
Father Jun Reyes from IC was our spiritual retreat master. He spoke on many things. One thing specifically was this, in a nutshell.For forty days the Israeli army, under Saul, had been at a standstill against the Philistines, with Goliath taunting them every day. No one had made a move.
David was living with his father Jesse, still tending the sheep. Many of his brothers had gone to fight with Saul, and had sent a message to send food and supplies. David, small of stature, loving and obedient set out to the battlefield with the items. When he saw what was going on, he said that he would slay the Goliath. Saul tried to throw some heavy armor on him but he rejected it, because of its heaviness and lack of trust in God, who would defeat Goliath, with the small help of David and five smooth stones.
Don't we all have Goliath's in our life? Depression, lack of trust, anger, maybe an inability to pay our bills, hurt, unforgiveness. By accepting the world's solution, like Saul's armor, we repress the work of God in our lives. It's like we are refusing the miracle of the five smooth stones.
This became clear to me. I saw the Goliath. The anger, unforgiveness and resentment in our family has become a wall between each of us and God. I had to become David. I had to be willing to throw off the world, which says things like "forget about them, they don't even give a shit about you. It doesn't matter about them, carry on with your life. Why waste time and trouble... etc. etc. etc.
And I have to say that was tempting, except for the prompting of the Lord.
Did you know we're all called to be saints? And saints don't give up, especially in situations like this. It's not about me, you understand, it's about God's purpose for you. I'm nothing more than a silly donkey that carries prayers to Him. I'm a stubborn little donkey. Sometimes I get lost, sometimes my front feet drop down in anger and frustration, but the Lord is my Shepherd, and he prods me forward, because he loves you, even when I have trouble doing that.
I only have to remember your pain, and my pain and how forgiveness has broken through the strongholds of the evil one to the light of Christ and my legs lift and I walk again.
I saw the five smooth stones.
The first stone was simply communion with Christ. Bringing you to Mass with me as much as possible. Daily. Praying for the men in our family in the Precious Blood. Praying for all of us in His Body. Daily Mass only strengthens my resolve moreThe second stone was prayer. Even this blog is a prayer. I try to pray the Rosary as much as possible, and now bought an amazing book last week, MARY, UNDOER OF KNOTS! This will be amazing. I will continue to write about this as we go on.
The third stone was service. Service of love to you. Anything I can do to show you how much God loves you in one way or another. It's all up to Him. He's going to create the opportunities. All I have to do is obey and respond to the opportunities. I'll write about the opportunities as they come along, like being able to help you by taking Mom home from the hospital. Like being able to pray with her and share GOd's love for our family with her.
The fourth stone is amazing, because if you're reading this right now, you are now part of the fourth stone. Pray with me. Share with me this journey of prayer for our brothers in sisters still broken. That is God's purpose for you right now. Walk with me for the redemption of our brothers and sisters still hurting. I know that you're still healing as you read this and there's still pain. But something that just happened (and remember this is May 9, 2014 that I'm writing this) and I was compelled to tell you to read this. It might be 2024 for all I know. But I trust God. Pray for our family. Go to Mass. Pray for the healing of our family by name.
The fifth stone is the most amazing. That's the stone that kills Goliath.
God is good. All the time.
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